How to deal with misunderstandings in relationships?

 

Misunderstandings happen in every relationship and I am not only referring to the romantic ones. The platonic are blood relations are also plagued by this.

Cause of misunderstanding: not people but their assumptions and beliefs!

Usually people have a set of assumptions & beliefs based on which they react to a certain situation.

For e.g. A son asked his mother for an expensive phone. She refused.

What Mom meant: Getting him a new phone would distract him from his studies especially when his final exams are around the corner. I will buy him a phone after his exams are over.

Mom’s belief: Educations is more important for his future than fulfilling his wish now. My son should concentrate on his upcoming exams.

Mom’s assumption: I should think about my son’s long term benefit and not on providing instant gratification.

BUT

What son thought: My mother does not love me. She loves money.

He is questioning his mother – not her belief, not her assumption. This creates acrimony in relationship until and unless explicit effort is made to remove such misunderstanding.

The reason I am saying that assumptions and beliefs are causes because it is far more constructive to critically analyse an assumption/belief than questioning an individual.

Let me make it easier for you. Which of the following is more hurtful?

Son:  Mom, I don’t like your belief / assumption.

OR

Son: Mom, I don’t like you.

I rest my case.

How can we deal with misunderstanding? – 10 key points

  1. Never jump to conclusions.
  2. Do not react immediately. Take time to understand the underlying belief/assumption to know where the thinking is coming from.
  3. If in doubt, ask frankly. The person will understand.
  4. Take effort.
  5. Do not always expect the other person to take effort. It is your relationship as well.
  6. Talk to the person when he/she has calmed down.
  7. You both are a team – not adversaries. There is no winner in a relationship. It is not a fight.
  8. Understand your assumptions and beliefs as well. Self-awareness is key.
  9. Give space and time to the other person to understand you.
  10. Don’t think you know someone really well. Every person is evolving. There are layers waiting to be unfolded. There is more to that person than meets the eyes.

Have a healthy relationship.

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How Mom, how do you do it?

How does she do it?

What magical powers does she have that she can sense the quiver in my voice, the pain in my eyes , the sadness in my movement…

And why simply talking to her assures me that everything will be alright…

Hopefully someday I will figure it out…

 

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Bring me some flowers…

When you want to thank me for those notes I lent you,

When you want to say sorry for being late for our date,

When you want to make me feel special on my birthday,

When you want to celebrate valentine’s day,

When you want to just surprise me at work,

When you come to see me off at the airport,

When you want to show that you love me,

Bring me some flowers…

How to deal with mistakes of the past ?

We all have made mistakes in the past, and we are making one in the present and will hopefully make in future…..

But should that stop us from living our life ?

It is important to make mistakes – it is the only proof that shows we are doing something

Mistakes are bound to happen if we are living our life to the fullest, grasping opportunities, falling in love, giving that dreaded exam, venturing into a new business, raising a kid etc.

But that’s what makes us mature and experienced…At every stage of our life, we make mistakes. The goal is to learn from them, prevent them in future and move on …. Not making mistakes is not only impractical but also impossible if you want to move ahead… Ofcourse you can choose to not make mistakes, but then your learning process stops and you inch towards stagnation…

We need to stop ourselves from beating us over them

Mistakes have to be taken with the right attitude… You cannot dwell on them for the rest of your life..You can’t feel the guilt and agony from committing them..

You have to learn from them..

You have to stop repeating them…

But You don’t have to feel guilty of committing them…

Because if you do, when will you live?

Pain is an evolutionary process …

Sheldon Cooper says in The Big Bang Theory that pain is an evolutionary process. It forces you to develop strength, maturity, insight and courage. It makes you see things in a different light, in a way unperceived in our happy state because we are too engrossed in celebrating….

Pain is necessary.

Pain is pertinent.

And whether the world is mature enough to understand it or foolish enough to berate it, it is your reality…

So deal with it because no one else can and no one else will !

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Back with a Bang ! No – a degree actually ;)

Hola Amigos,

My archives show my last post in 2016 ….. Way back !

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After almost a two-year break, I am back as a blogger and this time hopefully for a long time. First of all, my reason for taking a break was my education. I was pursuing a post graduate degree in Human Resource Management which took my 2 years for good. But now that I have graduated and settled, I thought it to be an appropriate time to awaken the blogger in me.

I tried to maintain a balance between my education and blogging, but with time it became too difficult to declutter my mind and write something. Lot of things were happening, and were happening too fast.  Although at times, amidst writing assignments, preparing presentations and solving business cases, I missed the blogger in me.

But the past is gone !! It’s time to focus on here and now…..
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This time I have bigger plans for this blog including quality content from my heart to yours, more musings, learning that I have acquired in last two years and many more.

For starters, this is my new instagram account : Amateur’s Instagram Account

Do follow me !

Cheers to a new beginning !

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Whiteboard Videos – Lo & Behold ! Featuring My blog’s whiteboard video

Remember my last post about infographic making tutorial? Well the world – especially the professional one –  is changing at a lightning pace and people are emphasizing more on presentation of ideas and their effective communication. According to me, there are two components of a successful idea presentation – spark and “impact” .

idea-sparkYour ideas should be out of the box and this is where your cognitive abilities come into play. But equally important and highly underrated is the importance of impact it creates on the audience. The concept you are trying to communicate should reach your audience in the way you want them to understand. Even if your idea or proposal have the required spark, yet if presented in a lousy and unappealing way, downloadthere is a huge chance you might lose out on that well deserved promotion or the coveted deal with your client!

A sparkling thought isn’t enough; it should create the required impact in the minds of the audience.

Usually people use power point presentations to share their plans and project ideas. But they are so run-of-the-mill nowadays that people are looking out for something creative and refreshing. Videos are  frequently usedBusiness-Meeting nowadays to present one’s thoughts and they are fun to make too. They provide a huge range of options – you can include your own footage and voice, other images, audio, subtitles etc. And they are fun to watch too especially in situations where you can’t be there in person to present.

I have come across these whiteboard videos which are very interesting to watch and easier to grasp – especially effective when trying to explain a complicated concept in  layman’ terms.

I have always wanted to make one too. And here’s my experience!

I have made a whiteboard video as an introduction to my blog !

I have used VideoScribe (Free trial version) to create it. There are other tools available as well – rawshorts, powtoon , drawshop etc. You can  search for other whiteboard video maker tools online.

Every tool comes with its own set of instructions and guidelines. You can select images and audio from the vast database that they provide. Have fun creating !

Here is the introductory video of my blog ! Do share your thoughts…

(Audio could have been better but Spare Me for that !)

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Infographics – Data in visual form

Many a times pictures serve as better medium of communication than words, especially when there is a large amount of data to be analysed or a complex relationship between two or more entities to be understood. Each one of us must have realized that seeing a table of numeric, mind boggling data is very difficult to make sense of! But when the same data is made available in a pie chart or a bar graph, we are at much ease. infographicsIn fact, whenever we think of a work, we relate it with a picture in our mind for better processing. Our brain processes image faster than words. Just imagine reading a blog without attractive pictures to assist in comprehension – It would take a lot of patience to read through that. Even we bloggers use pictures to garner attention of fellow readers !

Infographics = INFOrmation  in GRAPHICal form

This does not mean that infographics do not contain text at all, they do! But the texts are more or less a group of words or labels.

Relevance in today’s world:

Infographics form a part of our daily life, even when we do not realize it: Danger Signs, Traffic signs, advertisement posters, maps, campaign & event posters. The professional world also deals with infographics in marketing of products and brand awareness, market trends, financial data analysis and presentations and much more. Recently, I was asked to present my CV (resume) as an infographic to a recruiter. So even Human resource management uses infographics to judge the creativity of a candidate. There is a huge chance that if you are working, you might be asked to create an infographic for your client to promote your product better or to present your idea in front of your boss. In order to be ready for that day or proactively using this technique for an impactful presentation, here’s presenting to you important tips regarding creation of infographics:

  1. There free softwares available online like Piktochart, Easel.ly, Canva where you can sign-up for free and create beautiful and creative infographics for  that event/fest coming up in your college or the next product-branding pitch to your client at office! Moms can also use it to create birthday invites for their kids!
  2. Be to the point and concise. Restrict use of words in your infographic and convey more through images. At the same time, do not put irrelevant pictures.
  3. Don’t use too bold background colours that distracts the attention from the main content.
  4. In case you are creating an infographic CV, highlight your main achievements and landmarks in your career.
  5. Select the theme and look  & feel of the infographic according to the context. For example, in case you are preparing an infographic for a client at workplace, it needs to have a professional ( and not a cartoon like) feel to it.
  6. Be creative.

Example : This is a very basic sample infographic I created for this blog using Piktochart.

Happy creating  and discovering !

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For more :

What is an Infographic?

The 100 Best Infographics [Interactive]

https://www.canva.com/create/infographics/

 

 

Attitude towards life

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If you can’t be a highway, then just be a trail,

If you can’t be the sun, then just be the star,

It isn’t by the size that you win or fail,

But be the best of whatever you are.

– Douglas Malloch

The above excerpt from Douglas Malloch’s inspirational piece exactly defines the attitude one should have in life. The lines reiterate perfection in its own sense. Whether you are a giant business tycoon or a run-of-the-mill salesman, whether you are a celebrity or a street play actor, a computer genius working in a multinational company or a mechanic, a celebrated artist or a construction worker- the size does’nt matter. What matters is how you play your role to perfection. It is rightly said ,”Do your work so perfectly, that others do not have any work on your work.”

For all the pessimists out there, this does’nt mean that you should settle for something less in life. You should constantly strive to achieve more and more and fulfill every dream you have. But then, be the best dreamer you can be. Dream with conviction. Be the best struggler you can be. Struggle to zenith and don’t stop until you get exactly what you dreamt of. Be the best achiever you can be. Play every role you have in life to the best of your ability.

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Book Review : The subtle art of not giving a fuck by Mark Manson

My favourite lines from the book :

My recommendation: don’t be special; don’t be unique. Redefine your metrics in mundane and broad ways. Choose to measure yourself not as a rising star or an undiscovered genius…..Instead measure yourself by more mundane identities: a student, a partner, a friend, a creator.

Unlike any self help book, this guide puts forward a ‘counterintuitive approach to living a good life’. Now what would you expect from a self help book : assurances like ‘you are special and born to extraordinary things’, ‘ whatever you think is or isn’t, you are right’, ‘keep trying’, ‘don’t doubt yourself’ and the like. But not this book. This book tells you that you are not special. ( And after reading the book, I agree with Mark! )

Mark Manson has very adeptly laid down his counter-intuitive thoughts well- illustrated using anecdotes from his life and those of his acquaintances. Throughout the book, you will get to read lines like : ‘Don’t try’ ( the first chapter) , ‘You are not special’, ‘Doubt your own thoughts’ and the best part : his reasoning and rationale is not flawed. In fact this is what make this book worth reading – because of Mark’s candid and uninhibited way of laying down secrets of living a happy life, secrets which are not in accordance with the generally- accepted philosophy, yet holds water. He has also laced his writing with profane humour & unbridled expressions. ( The title of the book is proof itself ! )

All in all, this groundbreaking book will definitely help you in re-evaluating your mantras of life. And according to Mark,once you do that you will realise that living a contented and happy life isn’t that difficult after all.

Highly recommended.

The journey of love…

The journey might be a cakewalk for some, but for others it is a long drawn process of getting to understand each other, respect each other and learn to love each other even in the worst of times, sustaining that love and growing together…..

And it only attains its true purpose in life when it also leads to a path of self discovery and self love…

Why I write….

I am afraid of speaking my heart out in front of people,

Writing gives me a better and non-judgmental platform….

My biggest learning of life till date

Am I unlucky for you ?

I can’t fall in love at first sight